Introduction

During a job interview, a candidate for a team leader position once mentioned that he managed to fulfill his role without conflicts. This statement raises suspicions. A lack of conflicts is a symptom that requires special attention. Project life is full of conflicts, and it is crucial to let them occur so that solutions satisfying both parties can be found.

A Certain Story

Some time ago, I had the opportunity to work with a company where project managers were not on good terms with the development team. The situation had been escalating for months until it reached a point where almost every meeting ended with nervous exchanges and a lack of concrete agreements. The technical team complained about the excessive amount of documentation they had to produce, while the managers wanted even more. Developers wanted more time for refactoring, while managers wanted all time dedicated to feature development. The technical team also complained about the lack of any technical knowledge among project managers.

My task was to find a solution to the problems presented. I invited representatives of both sides to a meeting and asked them to present their arguments. As soon as one side began to present its case, the other immediately countered, and the discussion turned into an argument. After very painstaking and lengthy work, we managed to develop a solution, but it was far from ideal. We were not fully satisfied with it.

This typically happens in conflicts where both sides try to rationally convince each other. The problem lies in the fact that they present arguments from their point of view, which usually do not reach the other side. In most cases, it leads to arguments, or only one side wins, and in the best case, it leads to a compromise.

The key to success is the principle that “a conflict cannot be resolved at the level at which it arose.” Solutions must be sought at a higher level. But what does that mean?

A Simple Example

Suppose a couple living together wants to paint a room. He wants it blue, and she wants it white. What should they do? They could compromise—two walls blue and two walls white. Neither is likely to be completely satisfied. Some say that in such situations, it’s always resolved as proposed by the woman. We will be more ambitious. Let’s try asking: why is this important to you?

Narrator: I would like to paint the room blue.

She: Grrrr… and I want it white.

Mediator: Why is it important for you to paint the room blue?

Narrator: Because I don’t want to live in a hospital. (He doesn’t want white.)

Mediator: And why do you want to paint it white?

She: Because I want a room in light colors.

Mediator: If you don’t want white, and you want a light color, maybe…pink?

Narrator: I don’t like pink, just like white.

Mediator: Maybe another light color? Light lavender?

She: Okay.

Narrator: Fine, let’s do it.

In conflicts—there are no correct answers. The right answer is one that satisfies both parties. If there is agreement in the end, it means the conflict has been resolved.

Practical Remarks

Here are some practical remarks:

• Sometimes you need to ask the question about intention several times to find a solution.
• In conflicts between different teams or departments, you can use organizational values (which are a form of intention).
• Needs and intentions are subjective and should not be judged in any way, especially in terms of right or wrong.
• Both sides must be willing to find a solution, even one different from what was originally presented.
• Sometimes intentions on both sides may seem similar; then it’s worth clarifying them (e.g., if the intention is high code quality, ask: what specifically does quality code mean to you?).

Example Questions

Below are example questions you can ask to seek intentions:

• Why is this important to you?
• What do you need in this situation?
• What is your intention?

Algorithm

The conflict resolution algorithm is as follows:

1. Ensure that the participants in the conversation want to find a solution that will satisfy all parties.
2. Present the conflict resolution structure and get approval for its application.
3. Start by clarifying positions.
4. For each position, look for the intention or need.
5. Based on the intentions or needs of both sides, look for another solution.
6. If the new solution is unsatisfactory, find out why and redefine the intention (or need) before returning to step 5.

Example

Project managers lack even minimal technical knowledge

The conflict concerns a situation where developers (D) accused project managers (PM) of lacking even minimal technical knowledge. Mediator (M).

D: You have no technical knowledge!

PM: We are not here to understand technical details.

M: (to developers) Why is this important to you?

D: If they were more familiar with technicalities, it would be easier to discuss requirements and their consequences.

M: What will become possible thanks to that?

D: It will be easier to discuss which solution should be chosen.

M: Do you need managers to have deep technical knowledge?

D: No. It’s important for them to have some orientation on the topic.

M: (to managers) Why does it not make sense for you to know the technical details? What can you do instead?

PM: Not needing to know and engage in technical details gives us more time to manage the project and support all the actions to bring it to fruition.

M: Am I hearing right that success of the project is key for you?

PM: Yes.

M: I’d like to summarize. For you (to developers), it’s important that managers have a general technical understanding to facilitate deciding on the best solutions?

D: Correct.

M: And for you (to managers), it’s important to not delve into technical details, but to support the project’s success with your efforts?

PM: Yes, not to delve into details but be supportive.

M: What can be done to satisfy both needs?

PM: Maybe we can acquire some minimal knowledge with little cost? Maybe a more business-oriented developer could prepare a mini-training on this topic?

D: Makes sense. We can try that.

I think you had no trouble finding elements of the conflict resolution structure in these dialogues. For clarity, it has been illustrated below:

Exercise

Practice makes perfect. Here is an exercise for you:

Find a current conflict situation that concerns you directly. Specify positions. Discover intentions and potential solutions using the conflict resolution structure.

Where Else?

The most direct use of this scheme is for personal conflicts—within a team, between teams, between specific individuals. In what other situations can this structure be used?

• For establishing team rules.
• For choosing one of two technical solutions.
• For discussing requirements with a client.

Let us begin! Let’s make the world a better place :)

(Text translated and moved from original old blog automatically by AI. May contain inaccuracies.)